“The second time around” — is it supposed to be easier?

Heartbreaks are tough. Men and women all over the world supposedly know the cure for them. Most women go by the policy of letting your emotions run free, get your comfy panties on and cry over a romantic comedy on your couch, indulge in spoons over spoons of ice cream, movies say some say. Others know: “You will only get over him or her, when you meet someone new who brings back your trust in loving someone.” But what is it really? When do we know that we are definitely and most ultimately over someone? And do we get over someone easier when it is the second heartbreak caused by the same person? Do we develop a pattern that makes it easier for us to deal with the pain? Or are we just plain screwed either way?

“The second heartbreak caused by the same person for the second time around.” What a sentence, ladies and gentlemen! If you are prone to being empathetic, you probably just felt the urge to place your hands on your chest as your heart feels like it’s breaking piece by piece. How bad is that scenario.. Albeit the circumstances, we can say that you gave someone you really really loved (otherwise you wouldn’t have) a second chance and they took your heart back into their arms, warming it and making it whole again – just to let it fall on the stone-cold ground and break into pieces after a while. Yes, this metaphor is a little exaggerated, but let’s go with it. Your first instinct is: repeat all that you did when that person broke your heart for the first time. You might come to the conclusion that it does not work this time. Why might that be? Because you never got over that person in the first place. Your strategy did not work the first time. Otherwise, the second heartbreak, whose pain feels to be laying much deeper this time, would never have happened. The things you did to distract yourself, to forget about them or to just find new orientation won’t work as good as they supposedly did before. Being open to falling in love with someone after they hurt you is just a whole other level of heartbreak. You feel like they would never do it to you again and that they must love you so deeply to have had realized that they didn’t like being apart from you.

These lines above might sound a little harsh. But they speak the truth. There is no such thing as a former couple not being able to make it at the second or even a third shot. It depends so much on the individual circumstances and reasons why. But talking about getting over someone, it is never easier the second time. Because the first time did not even work out. So there have to be created whole new methods of “moving on”. And moving on is easier said than done. Been there, feel you. Still, relying on past structures is not the answer for simplifying the process. It’s rather the exact opposite: doing the same thing would be running into the arms of your former pattern of possibly getting your heart broken. Changing things on the other hand, might lead you to new perspective and insight. This claim does not exclude a re-interacting with your heart-breaker – it sure does include a more mature and grown-up approach to it though. Whatever you do, do it for yourself. Don’t think of what that person might think of it. Don’t put any relevance in their perspective of your actions. Those times are over. For the moment, they don’t deserve to be taken into consideration at the tiniest bit any way. They are the reason for your misery — whether the breakup happened in a “friendly” or “unfriendly” way. All you do, do it according to your perception of happiness and that sense of feeling free. When you achieve that feeling of free-ness, you reached your goal. And sometimes, it implies thinking out of the box and being wild. 🙂

end-of-summer sunsets
end-of-summer sunsets: the sun shines through the clouds

Life will hand you some sweet meets, eventually. Until then, trust in happiness evolving from small things. Like unexpected love stories — enjoy them for as long as they last and when letting them go, keep them in good memory. Whatever you do, don’t forget to smile. Life is made of ups and downs. The downs hurt, but the ups are stronger and even more fun when smiled through 🙂 In the meantime, check this, this or this post for a little sunshine between the clouds.

-your tiny woman in a giant world

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