the downsides of human love relationships or “doomed lovey doveys”

Being in love… What great feelings to recall: Butterflies in your stomach, the excitement of pleasant anticipation before every date, that seemingly ever-lasting smile on your face. That every touch making your all senses dance. Fairy-tale like times, this first phase of a love relationship. The heart-breaking reality is… This rarely continues to eventually end with a “happy ever after”. Even if one of the partners seems to stay in this first phase for as long as he/she knows the person.

Maintaining the excitement of the first phase requires hard work and strong willingness from both parties. One alone can try as hard one wants, it is a job for two. Love needs two people to grow and ultimately, to last. A balanced relationship evolves from a mutual attraction. Attraction is very much dependend on positive thoughts, admiration for the other person’s character and physical attraction. Having your partner losing sight of one of those aspects is not your fault. It’s just the way it is with relationships. A little distraction on your partner’s side can lead to him/her to forgetting about why he/she fell in love in the first place, which then leads to a broken heart — yours that is. Should we stop being naive and forget about relationships all over to protect ourselves from this kind of heart-break? Every single picture on Pinterest says no, “dare to love”. Well, then.

A love relationship, a real partnership between two lovers is the most beautiful thing to possibly experience. No feeling can compare to being in love and knowing that you are loved. It comes along with satisfaction, pride, great joy and happiness. The feeling that you can rely on someone, any time at any place. Someone who shares his/her feelings and thoughts and with whom you can share yours. Someone who finds strength in you and shows gratitude. Someone who is your source of energy when everything else goes wrong. A balanced partnership with mutual love and affection.

But when it comes to an end due to whatever reason that you did not have control over, after a great amount of time and energy you have put into the relationship to make it back to working, it is the worst feeling. It breaks your heart into tiny little pieces. In this stadium, it just makes no sense to hold on to the person, pushing him or her to talk to you if he or she does not want to. If someone who once shared his or her thoughts with you and spend much time talking to you, stops for no obvious reason, it is not something you can influence. He or she has disconnected from you — emotionally and physically. The healthiest thing for you to do is to make your peace with it. Just take it as it is. Maybe not the first time this ever happens. Maybe not the second time. But surely the third time. You are worth what you put out there. If you put out love and affection and receive reluctance and resistance, you are not obliged to take it in for the millionth time. Someone who loves you will not be able to hurt you, ever. Stay strong and move on. You are not the person to for ever fight for what means the world to you. Your counterpart has to take a little bit of responsibility of his/her own.

How should you go on? Concentrate on your self. Do whatever you love doing. Treat yourself. Surround yourself with the people who adore you. And don’t have second thoughts. You’ve acted on them a fair amount of times already. If it has not changed the past multiple times, it won’t change now.

Animals seem to have a better practice loving and partnering up. Being a penguin for a little while sounds just about right.

-your tiny woman in a giant world

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